Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I decree and declare by the Holy Spirit that dwells within me and by the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ that 2011 will be the greatest year of my life!
For those of you who do not know my testimony, I've suffered from depression for most of my life. It all started from when my father left me when I was a toddler. I was muted - completely stopped talking up to age 4 1/2. That's why I was in Special Education throughout my elementary school years for a speech impediment and lack of reading comprehension. Then by the age of 5, I was sexually molested (that lasted for years) - which ultimately lead to the promiscuity years as a teenager. At that time, in order to receive love and attention from guys, I've sacrificed myself constantly for someone to love me and did things I wasn't proud of because that's all I knew how to do. On top of all that, I believed in every lie that was ever told to me. "You ain't gonna amount to anything!" "You ain't gonna be nothing - just like your daddy!" "You're not attractive - you're fat!" "Don't no man want YOU!" "You're gonna spend the rest of your life broke, busted and disgusted!" (That comment came from my father!)
Then, at 22, I gave my life to Christ...well...not exactly! The only reason why I accepted Christ at that time was because I wanted to get close to this guy. When the relationship didn't work out, I left him, the church and God too! I've made a conscious to give my life to Christ two years later. But throughout my Christ walk, I've ran from my calling! I didn't want to go through the breaking of MY will. I didn't want to suffer through the pain that comes with answering THE CALL! i didn't want to sacrifice my lifestyle, my so-called "friends", none of that! I've FINALLY surrendered at age 33 and answered the call. That's when the purging and the breaking began!
Throughout the last four years of my life, God has purged me, cleansed me, broke me and healed me. What I'm most grateful to God for is Him delivering me from people! People's judgements, criticisms and even their expectations of me. For almost my entire life, I've cared and even worried about what people thought of me. Hence the depressed spirit I've had. All because I've let people break my spirit! Not no more! I have FINALLY come to a place in my life where I now focus on who GOD says I am and not PEOPLE! People will FAIL YOU! I promise you this: I will not let another human being break my SPIRIT ever again!
So you ask "why am I sharing this?" Going through this journey has made me realize that what I've gone through my entire life was not for me! It was to help others that has gone through or is currently going through these kinds of situations and ultimately show that there is a way out - Jesus Christ! If you ever wondered why I am the way I am - why I seem to be so strong - why I don't take nonsense from anybody? Now you know why!
As far as 2011 is concerned, this is my Ephesians 3:20 year! "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, accordingto the power that worketh in us."
Until next time...
