New Radio Show! - Chapter 56

Well, before this year comes to a close (finally), I wanted to let you know that I have another internet radio show - this time on Spreaker.  These shows are just strictly music and each episode are pretty much music that I listen to on my ipod regularly.

Check it out!  http://www.spreaker.com/show/the_tonja_e_withers_show

Until next time....

Lord, I Need You Now More Than Ever! - Chapter 55

Father God,

You said in your Word that "no weapon formed against me shall prosper," but I'm being attached on every side.  You said in your Word that "You will not put on me more than I can bear," but I'm at the point that I no longer want to run this race.  You said in your Word that "...you will do exceedingly, abundantly above all I could ever ask or think."  Well, where is it?  Because I don't see it!  You said in Your Word that "...the last shall be first and the first shall be last."  Then why am I last in every point of my life?  When will I be first?  When will I see Your promises?  Where is my expected end?

I'm frustrated, angry, anxious, lonely and depressed.  All I have is Your Word!  Your Word says that "...this walk is not given to the swift, nor to the quick, but for those that will endure until the end.  I can no longer endure.  I don't want to do this anymore.  This walk is so hard.  I don't believe that you truly love me and watch me suffer the way I am.  There are 13 more days until this year is over.  Where's my Genesis 26:12?

I don't want to quit, but I feel that I need to.  Even though I have absolutely nothing to look forward to outside of Your will for my life, being in this walk is so much harder.  I really, really, REALLY need you to give me sign, show me something that is tangible for me to continue with this race.  My mustard seed of faith is breaking down.  I'm calling out to You Lord!  Please show me something tangible!  Forgive me for murmuring and complaining.  Forgive me for not having enough faith in You.  Forgive me for not trusting You.  I'm so tired.  Please forgive me!

What a Year This Has Been - Chapter 54

As I sit here and reflect, 2013 has been the most challenging year of my life.  I left a wicked church in the beginning of the year, some family and folks who I have depended on has abandoned me, some folks I've waked away from for my sanity's sake, got fired from my job, don't know if I will have a roof over my head or not when the year is over, have been off and on in deep depression and I've watched my mother have not one, but two hip replacement surgeries.  The good news - well, I'm still breathing and have a sound mind.  I have one good friend left that I can trust.  So, praise Jesus for that.

Here's the hard core, God's honest truth - I hate my life!  I hate how my life is, I hate that I have absolutely no one to turn to.  I hate when people say to my face that they love me, when deep down they really hate me.  I hate coming home to an empty apartment.  I hate crying myself to sleep every single night.  I hate that some men tries to play with my intelligence when I can see right through them.  I hate living a very lonely life!  I hate the fact in 2009, I surrendered and said yes to God - yes to His will and yes to his way!  Most of all, I hate myself!  

There...I said it!  I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I'm tired of feeling like a vagabond.  I'm tired of my enemies prevailing over me.  I'm tired of constantly being betrayed and a family member. I'm tired of church folks telling me that I should be praising God, when deep down I am so angry with God!  

Well, at least I'm honest!  Happy Holidays and Happy New Year...I guess!

Until next time....