It NEEDS to Be Better! - Chapter 50

As this year comes to a close (praise God for that), it's time for some things to change in my life.  

First, I need to complete my assignment at my church.  Even if the ministerial board can't stand me or even if my own bishop doesn't like me, my assignment must be completed before I leave!  What is my assignment?  Only me and God knows that.

Second, I need to have new godly friends in my inner circle.  Someone who will always tell me the truth in love, someone who will be there for me when I'm at my lowest point and not throw it back in my face later, as well as someone who can handle my success and not become secretly jealous!  Someone who GENUINELY have love and respect for me and when they see that I am in need, my true friend will help me when they can and NOT give me scrapes like I'm a dog!  Also, everything will be new for my life in 2013 - and I do mean EVERYTHING!

Third, I will no longer be moved by people!  I will always tell the truth, even if it hurts.  I rather be respected than liked any day!  Devil -  your assignment you've had for my life is now NULL AND VOID!  You are a LIAR and the truth ain't in you!  In Jesus' name!

Until next year....

Is There Hope? - Chapter 49

On November 13th, I was going to end it all.  I had everything planned, how I was going to die, had resignation letters ready to be sent, everything was laid out.  Of course, that plan failed because my family stopped me.  Sometimes, I can't help but wonder, what if I had succeeded?

Life had just got too much to bear.  Constant disappointments, people disappointing me, things haven't gone according to plan.  How can I honestly say that I serve a mighty God, but not prosper?  Through my eyes, life just looks hopeless!

I know that there's a major purpose that I have to fulfill.  However, a large part of me should've completed what I've started on November 13th.  I need deliverance!  I need some hope!  I need to be happy!

P.U.S.H. - Pray Until Something Happens! - Chapter 48

It's been a while since my last post.  

To update you since my last post, I did go to my father's funeral (courtesy of my job).  I've made peace with my father's death, but not without some controversy from my family.  My father was a Vietnam veteran; therefore he was given a military-style burial.  So, who do you think got the American Flag from his casket?  You would think it would be me, since my mother (who was still legally married to him) wasn't there.  But no - it was my cousin - the one my father was closest to.  That's okay.  I am a firm believer in Galatians 6:7, "...whatsoever a man soweth, that he shall also reap."  This is one of the reasons why I respect my friends more than my own family.

Anyway, it's now September.  I have 59 days from today for my life to completely change.  Everything I've prayed for in the past as well as new prayers that I haven't mentioned publicly must come to pass within these next 59 days.  It just has to!

Lord, please don't let my enemies triumph over me!  Make my enemies my foot stool, in Jesus' name!  Amen!

Until next time....

End of an Era! - Chapter 47

Today, my father passed away at 2:24pm from cancer.  We've had a rocky relationship for many years. There's a point that we haven't spoken for years!  I feel like Tupac "...my heart wouldn't let me mourn for a stranger."  So I feel numb.


The good news is that he called me and apologized for being crappy father.  We've made peace since then.  His last request was a photo of me and my mother at my brother's wedding.  But my mother didn't like the photo we've taken, so I've never sent it.  I wish I did!


Now, I'm contemplating if I want to go to the funeral.  I intentionally separated myself from the rest of the family because I don't want to be part of their constant drama.  It's ridiculous!  I don't know how to feel.


Anway...until next time.....

New Family Member - Chapter 46

On July 3rd, my brother got married to his girlfriend of 6 years.  The ceremony was beautiful, and I was even asked to read a scripture at the wedding.  The reception was wonderful as well.  The most amazing part of this experience is the coming together of 2 families.  My sister-in-law's family is a nice group of people.


My prayer is that this marriage lasts.  Unfortunately, marriages have not lasted long in my family.  Either they divorce, or stay in an unhappy, miserable marriage (which ends up in divorce anyway)!  My prayer is that this generational curse will break, in Jesus' name!  In a way, I'm actually glad that I'm still single (shocking...I know!).  With eyes wide open, I see that people get married for all the wrong reasons.  Whether it is for money, for sex or to cure loneliness, I have rarely seen couples get married for genuine, sincere love - that is until now.


Anyway, I'm happy for my brother and my new sister-in-law.  Frankly speaking, she's earned the title of "wife!"  She's tolerated my brother's ism's and schism's for over 6 years - and loves him in spite of them (trust me, I know my brother and how he can be)!  I pray that they will be just as happy together 30 years from now as they were when they wed.  It gives me something to look forward to when it's my turn!


Until next time... 

Beloved, let us love one another...! - Chapter 45

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God ; and everyone who loves is born of Godand knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love." ~ 1John 4:7-8

In all honesty, can we say that we love each other in God? Can we really love those that persecutes us? Can we really love our enemies and not conjure up vengeance in our minds to retaliate? If we are suppose to be in Christ, we are suppose to love one another as Christ loves us!

If you have read my past entries, then you know that I have absolutely no qualms in being transparent. In fact, that's part of who I am. With that said, there are times when I have an extremely hard time loving those who have hurt me, used me, talk trash about me, etc. I find that there are times where it is hard to love folks who can't stand me! YES, I admit that I do struggle in this area! I constantly ask the Lord to help in this area so that HE can use me the way He wants to. As I intercede for people, even my enemies, sometimes I ask the Lord "You love me THAT MUCH and tolerated all of my foolishness that you died on the cross because you me?" Without hesitation, the Holy Spirit leads me to John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

If Jesus loves us that much, then who am I not to love my brothers and sisters. I'm constantly reminded of the two commandments Jesus gave to His disciples - Love the Lord with all of your heart, mind and soul. Also, love your neighbors as yourselves! So, despite how I feel, what it looks like or how people treat me, I must learn to love everyone. It maybe a challenge, but nothing is impossible when it comes to the things of God!

Until next time....

Church Hurt, You Don't Know The Half! - Chapter 44

Well, first of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR (even though we're in February!) Oh well, better late than never!

With that said, 2012 is going to be one of the best years of my life! Why? Because, when trouble arises, blessings ALWAYS comes right behind it! Especially when it comes to ministry.

I wish people will realize that when you INTENTIONALLY isolate an individual from a church, especially when that person represents change for the ministry, all you're doing is catapulting them to their DESTINY! Especially when that person is anointed! It amazes me that the same folks who cries for "change" in the ministry are the same folks who stagnates it! The same folks who cries out "we need more love in the church" are the same folks who carries hate in their hearts! The same folks who cries "let's come together as one body" are the same folks who causes separation and strife!

I've been in ministry long enough to know what church hurt feels like! But it is because of my past experiences is the reason why I WILL NOT BE MOVED! Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, sold it on eBay! I know that church game of playing psychological CHESS to see if I will leave the church by playing certain moves! Ummm....NO! I'm not going anywhere until GOD says it's time!

Recognize!

Until next time...