This was my first blog entry from January 12, 2009:
"Let me start from the beginning.
I've given my life to Jesus Christ for nearly 13 years. I haven't been in a committed relationship in 12 years and I haven't have sex for over 10 years. Hence, the frantic impatience on waiting on God for my mate instead of obeying my biological clock and picking just any Joe Schmo to have sex with. With all of the temptations from the media and listening to other people talk about their sex lives, I'm a tad bit frustrated!
On one hand, I know that God knows what's best for me and I'm sure that His choice will be better than my choice - Lord knows my choices in the past sucked! On the other hand, it would be nice to come home to someone and ask me "How was your day?" It would be nice to split all of the expenses in the household with someone. Most importantly, it would be nice to have a warm pair of thighs in bed with me and have me screaming at the top of my lungs in pure ecstasy!
Don't get me wrong, I am so appreciative to God for what He has done for me and for what he is doing in my life. I'm just at the point of my life where I wonder if I'm ever going to be married. I certainly don't want to live my life the way I used to live - having meaningless sex with guys I would never bring home to Mom...much less carry their seed! I wasn't happy back then. I'm happier now than I was back then. I'm just not satisfied. There's so much more that I want from this life. I'm going to do my part to get it - but God has to take care of the rest. I've waited this long - there's no point of half-stepping now!"
Well, it's been 5 years since I've wrote that entry and nothing much has changed. I am now in my 40's and I'm getting more and more frustrated. I'm not going to settle for anything less than what I'm worth. However, I really would like to be married now. I really would like to have some emotional support from a man that is meant for me. I sure could use that right now. When I was living in NY, the need wasn't as great for me as it is now. Now that I'm in the South, the need for companionship has become much greater. Oh Lord, please answer my prayers!
Until next time....
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