When Are These Guys Going To Get It? - Chapter 42

SEX!

I would love to have some, but I NEED to have a license in order to "practice" sex first - a MARRIAGE LICENSE!

With that being said, some "blasts-from-the-past" keeps trying to creep back into my life! Before I continue, let me tell you about the dream I've had.

I was walking home and following me were 3 dogs - a bloodhound, a doberman and a German Shepard. These dogs followed me all the way home. Before I opened the door, I've looked into these dogs' eyes and told them "you can't come home with me - GO AWAY!" I've opened the door to my house and the dogs stood outside my door. The next day, I was leaving my house to go somewhere and those dogs were STILL outside my door waiting for me! Then I woke up!

Through God's revelation, I was able to interpret the dream. The dogs represents men and these 3 dogs represents men from my past. The German Shepard represents this minister who wanted to get close to me, but the Holy Spirit showed me his true intentions - he wanted sex from me, knock me up and run my bank account dry! I told him to stay away from me, even blocked him on Facebook, but the negro still can't take a hint.

The doberman represents a guy that I've had sex with a while back (see http://savedsinglebutnotsatisfied.blogspot.com/2010/05/let-truth-speak-chapter-21.html). I was weak, I've repented, picked myself up, dusted myself off and kept it moving. I've told him that I couldn't be "friends" with him, so I cut him off. I guess I must have made a "lasting impression" because he keeps calling every six months like clockwork to see if I have "gotten over it!" What part of "leave me the hell alone" did he not understand? I'm just saying...

But the bloodhound is the one that is the most dangerous. What I mean by dangerous is that this "dog" is a few fries away from a Happy Meal! One can away from a six-pack! The dog represents a guy who I was talking to, but he was in a relationship with someone else while he was with me. What I didn't appreciate is the fact he was comparing me and her to see who would "support" him the most (by support, I mean financially). Obviously I couldn't do it, so "Sugarmama" won! (Which is fine by me, because honestly, I've dodged a major bullet!) Now you would think that he's living happily ever after - but no! He keeps trying to attach himself onto me - by trying to be "friends" with some of my family and friends on Facebook, stalking me on the Internet to see what I am doing and who I am with and worst off all, continuously try to attack me on the pulpit saying "we don't love and respect for one another and we have too many haters in the church!" (Oh, did I mention that we all attend the same church - me, him and his wife?) *rolls eyes* First of all, I've forgiven this man for ALL that he has done to me. Second, the two commandments that Jesus gave to his disciples were to 1) love the Lord with all of your heart and 2) love your brother as yourself! I do love him as a brother in Christ because 1) that is part of the commandments and 2) I love myself way too much not for me to love him; however, the bible does not say that I have to LIKE my brother! I love him, but I have absolutely no respect for him as a man, much less a MINISTER! And I refuse to let him be the vain of my very existence!

The moral of the story is this - my future husband must be right around in order for all of this to happen to me. It is said that Satan will bring in the counterfeits before God brings you the "real deal!" Future husband - come quickly and put a license on this! The ring is good, don't get me wrong - but the license seals the deal!

Until next time.....

Let the Truth Speak! - Chapter 21

Can I be real with you for a moment?

I am lonely! There...I said it! The journey that God has me on is truly a lonely one. Many people don’t understand what I’m going through - nor do they want to! I’m doing my best to be obedient to God’s will for my life, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I am still single. Hence the reason why my blog is titled “Saved, Single, But Not Satisfied!” There is no mate - no warm pair of thighs to rub on me every single night. You know what? I’m mad at that! I know that God will bless me with a mate in HIS time, but it would sure be nice to have a Godly mate right now! I’m a sexual being. I do have needs! And because of my loneliness and vulnerability, I’ve made a stupid decision that now delays my future husband to come into my life. That one moment wasn’t even worth it! Yes, I’ve repented, ask God for forgiveness and moved on. Yes, I know that delayed does not mean denied. However, for every action, there’s a reaction! I’ve lost someone whom I’ve considered a friend when, in actuality, was never a friend in the first place. Just a distraction! A distraction to deter me away from the things of God - and it worked - for a minute! At any rate, life goes on - and so do I.

I know I’m ranting, but if I can’t be honest with myself, then how can God use me to bless others?

I’m not close to any of my family. Not even my immediate family. I am grateful to God that He kept my mother here on Earth. I also love my brother very much. Family is defiantly an important dynamic in a person’s life. However, I truly believe that nobody in my family (on either side) understands God’s calling that’s upon my life, the decisions that I’ve had to make and the sacrifices I’ve endured just to do God’s will. And for that, I know that I will always be somewhat of an outcast or a “black sheep” if you will. But you know what? I’m okay with that! I’ve faced the reality that when it comes to doing the things of God, you will not be popular with others. You can’t go where others go and you can’t do what others do. And when you compromise yourself in order to fit in and to be accepted, you hinder God’s will. I can’t afford to do that! I cannot conform to what my family says and thinks about me. Although I love ALL my family, I have to do God’s will and if they don’t like it, that’s their problem - not mine!

Friends - *whew* - where do I begin? First of all, my circle of friends is extremely small. I’ve learned as I’ve gotten more mature in the Word of God that the greater your calling, the smaller your circle. Not everybody that was there from the beginning will be there to the end. Not everybody who says that they’re your friends are your friends. I thank God for revelation as to who’s for me and who’s against me. But my heart is so big for people that I’ve placed some folks in the wrong categories. And because of those bad decisions, I have a hard time trusting people. Even those in my inner circle! I don’t want to think that friends in my inner circle will eventually leave me, but I have to prepare for that just in case. Now that God has delivered from people and I’m putting all of my business out there on my blog, I guess I’m not afraid to be rejected by people.

The bottom line is that when I love, I love hard. When I’m hurt, I hurt badly. When people tell me that they love me, I expect them to mean it! I do! Majority of the time, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I know that I’ve hurt some people along the way and for that, I’m truly sorry. Some people has hurt me, too. I had to deal with that.

I’m lonely....Lord help me get through this!

Until next time....