As I sit here and reflect, 2013 has been the most challenging year of my life. I left a wicked church in the beginning of the year, some family and folks who I have depended on has abandoned me, some folks I've waked away from for my sanity's sake, got fired from my job, don't know if I will have a roof over my head or not when the year is over, have been off and on in deep depression and I've watched my mother have not one, but two hip replacement surgeries. The good news - well, I'm still breathing and have a sound mind. I have one good friend left that I can trust. So, praise Jesus for that.
Here's the hard core, God's honest truth - I hate my life! I hate how my life is, I hate that I have absolutely no one to turn to. I hate when people say to my face that they love me, when deep down they really hate me. I hate coming home to an empty apartment. I hate crying myself to sleep every single night. I hate that some men tries to play with my intelligence when I can see right through them. I hate living a very lonely life! I hate the fact in 2009, I surrendered and said yes to God - yes to His will and yes to his way! Most of all, I hate myself!
There...I said it! I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of feeling like a vagabond. I'm tired of my enemies prevailing over me. I'm tired of constantly being betrayed and a family member. I'm tired of church folks telling me that I should be praising God, when deep down I am so angry with God!
Well, at least I'm honest! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year...I guess!
Until next time....
WOW Tonja, I didn't realize just how much we had in common!
ReplyDeleteBeen there and done that Sis. But one thing I can tell you is. Stay focus on God. Try not to give up..key word "try" because I know how that can be. Keep being honest with your feelings with God and be honest with yourself. God's got you even though it don't look like it..He does. Keep your head up. Love you!!! ((huggs)) ♥ Oh one more thing: "Get up off that thang and dance until you feel better". Hahaha!!
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