I'm Officially a Published Author! - Chapter 65

"Dear Girlfriend,

This is a hard subject for me to tackle. If I may be so transparent, at times, I feel so lost myself. There’s nothing that I want more than to have the comfort of a man. Unfortunately, it’s with ANY man. I’m not sure what it is…the thrill of the chase, the interaction of listening to a man’s voice, the desperation of wanting to be needed by someone…anyone! Yes, I will admit, I could act like Miss Independent and claim that I don’t need a man, that I have Jesus and that’s all I need. But deep down I know that’s a bold-face lie! Newsflash Beloved, Jesus doesn’t keep my bed warm at night! And if some of us stop acting all “holier than thou” and face that truth, we would all be a lot better off! But I digress…."

This is an excerpt from Chapter 2: "Lost and Found" from our book "A Single Perspective: Every Woman's Guide to Wholeness" written by me, Tonja E. Withers and my good friend, Angela D. Valentine. This book is a refreshing and candid book on singleness written from a single and married woman's perspective and rooted in the Word of God. Let this book spark conversations among all women. As we share our experiences with each other, may every woman find her path to healing and wholeness! The eBook is now available for $7.99. You can purchase your copy here: http://thesimfactor.wixsite.com/simfactor/book.

What a Difference a Year Makes! - Chapter 64

It's been so long since I've wrote in this blog!  So much has happened since my last entry.

As far as my healing from what I've experienced in Georgia, I'm healed - praise God!  My "undisclosed location," is in New Haven, CT.  I left Georgia on February 28, 2015 on a one-way flight to CT (It's amazing that I took a one-way bus ticket from NY to GA on January 31, 2014 to take a one-way flight back north a year and a month later)!  I've stayed with my cousin (which I was extremely apprehensive about because I know my family can turn on you in the drop of a dime...more on that later).  Two weeks after moving here, I've found a temp job working at a jewish hillel at Yale.  I've met this woman at the job that ultimately became my friend and a blessing from God!  In March, one of my Facebook friends introduced me to this Christian women's networking group (more on that later).

Three and a half months after moving to CT and due to lack of communication, my cousin threw me out of her home with no explanation.  With no where else to go, my friend let me rent a room of an apartment that her sister was also renting at her house.  Seven months after getting the temp job, I was hired permanently with a very important title and decent wages.  By the end of 2015, my friend's sister moved out and I ended up renting the entire apartment (including my room).

When 2016 rolled around, major changes started to happened.  In February, after having a heart felt conversation, the founder of the women's group that I'm in asked me to lead a webinar/conference call called "Single Sisters' Saturday" every third Saturday of the month.  These calls have granted me some open doors for me.  One of these doors included me being asked to speak at a major conference this October on the benefits of being single!  Little ol' me!  God is good!  Another opportunity came out of this venture, but I will mention when it's done (more details to come)!  Okay, that's it for now!

Until next time...

My Personal Journey to Contentment - Chapter 63

Here is an entry that I have written last month on Linkedin:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-personal-journey-contentment-tonja-e-withers?trk=pulse_spock-articles

Until next time...

I Need Some Answers to Some Questions!

Question:  Are there any single women over 40 who has never been married (or co-habitated) nor has any children and are currently celibate?  If that's you, then I need some advice from YOU!  How are you maintaining?  If you believe in God, are you waiting for Him to bless you with a mate?  How do you flee from temptation?  Do you feel tempted to settle for less so you won't be alone?  Does loneliness creeps up on you out of nowhere and how do you beat it?  Do you yearn for sex so badly that you want to screw the first guy that you see?  If so, did you beat it or did you give in to it?  If you beat that urge, how did you do it?

These are some serious questions that needs some serious answers.  If you know someone like this, please pass this on to them.  Thanks in advance.

A Change Has Come...Again! - Chapter 62

Yes, I know.  It has been a very long time since I've written my last entry.  There is really so much to tell.

First and foremost, I am a firm believer, whether it's God's doing or our doing, everything in life happens for a reason.  Secondly, if you say that you're a follower of Christ, then one should listen to what He says and act out of the inspiration of desperation.  Just because an opportunity presents itself does not mean that it's from God!   Thirdly, if you called to be a leader, then you must have a shepherd's heart!  I know that everyone is flawed and the bible says that "...love covers a multitude of sins."  However, constantly making excuses of leadership using spiritual manipulation to control the membership of the church and a leader asking a member to use their name and credit for a bill(s) that's suppose to be for the church and NOT put it under the church's name...well...that kind of "love" is NOT worth me going to hell over!  Finally, there is a major difference between a church and a cult!  If GOD gives us free will, so should a CHURCH!  But I digress...

One of the greatest lessons I've learned from my experience is to keep my personal life separate from the church.  I find that some leaders tends to throw your past or things that God has delivered you from back in your face.  That is not of God!  Also, never....and I mean never have your pastor as your landlord!  You are just asking for trouble!  

Now that I am at an undisclosed location, what I really need from the Lord right now is to be healed, set free and delivered completely!  I want no trace of bitterness, anger and resentment to be left in me from all that I've endured.  I need God to heal my broken heart and stand firm in Him.  I am a victor, not a victim!  This experience has nearly broke me, but nevertheless I stood firm in God!  Now I need to exhale...and let it go!

Until next time...

Living Single & Saved in a Worldly Society - 5 Years Later! - Chapter 61

This was my first blog entry from January 12, 2009:

"Let me start from the beginning. 

I've given my life to Jesus Christ for nearly 13 years. I haven't been in a committed relationship in 12 years and I haven't have sex for over 10 years. Hence, the frantic impatience on waiting on God for my mate instead of obeying my biological clock and picking just any Joe Schmo to have sex with. With all of the temptations from the media and listening to other people talk about their sex lives, I'm a tad bit frustrated!

On one hand, I know that God knows what's best for me and I'm sure that His choice will be better than my choice - Lord knows my choices in the past sucked! On the other hand, it would be nice to come home to someone and ask me "How was your day?" It would be nice to split all of the expenses in the household with someone. Most importantly, it would be nice to have a warm pair of thighs in bed with me and have me screaming at the top of my lungs in pure ecstasy! 

Don't get me wrong, I am so appreciative to God for what He has done for me and for what he is doing in my life. I'm just at the point of my life where I wonder if I'm ever going to be married. I certainly don't want to live my life the way I used to live - having meaningless sex with guys I would never bring home to Mom...much less carry their seed! I wasn't happy back then. I'm happier now than I was back then. I'm just not satisfied. There's so much more that I want from this life. I'm going to do my part to get it - but God has to take care of the rest. I've waited this long - there's no point of half-stepping now!"

Well, it's been 5 years since I've wrote that entry and nothing much has changed.  I am now in my 40's and I'm getting more and more frustrated.  I'm not going to settle for anything less than what I'm worth.  However, I really would like to be married now.  I really would like to have some emotional support from a man that is meant for me.  I sure could use that right now.  When I was living in NY, the need wasn't as great for me as it is now.  Now that I'm in the South, the need for companionship has become much greater.  Oh Lord, please answer my prayers!

Until next time....

My Miracle Birthday - Chapter 60

Well, today is my 41st birthday, and I feel kind of lonely.

This is my first birthday away from my friends and family and my church family here in Georgia - it's just a regular day.  My birthday is special to me.  Every time I get to see another year, is a blessing to me!  I thank God that I get to see 41.  So, no matter what, I still praise God that He has blessed me to see another year - my MIRACLE year!

Until next time...