The One That Got Away - Chapter 4

When I first got saved several years ago, I promised God that when I see my ex-boyfriend from high school, I would apologize for hurting him. I'm not proud of the things I've done in the past, but through those trying times and lessons, I've not only matured - but I now understand why I went through all that I had endured.

B - that's the name I'll call him, was one of the good guys. He was smart, athletic, good-looking, loved his family. He poured his heart and soul into our our relationship, but, unfortunately, I didn't love me enough to love him the way he deserved. I know that is not an excuse, but it explained everything as to why anything good that happened in my life at that time I destroyed. I wasn't happy with myself at all. In fact, I can't tell you how many times I've attempted suicide back then. When I was dating B, I fell for the oldest trick in the book - other guys were interested in me at the same time (or so I thought!). I realized after the fact that these guys only intentions were to break us up. I was stupid.

Long story short, I took advantage of his love for me. I constantly tested him for absolutely no reason. Now, nearly 20 years later, I can admit that I would give anything for a man to love me now that way B loved me then!

With all of that said, I wanted to use my blog to say this:

B, if you're reading this, I want to say that I'm truly sorry for the way I've treated you, for the way I've used you and, most importantly, I'm sorry for not loving you the way you deserved to be loved at that time. I also want to thank you for the way you loved me, cared for me, supported me and believed in me. I pray that you have found love & happiness in your life. May God bless you! By the way, happy belated birthday!

Until next time...

Am I In Over My Head? - Chapter 3

It's been a couple of weeks since I've started school and couldn't help but wonder - am I in over my head? Currently, I have three classes (the 4th one I'll start later on this semester), 8 textbooks, quizzes every week and 8 term papers to write. I haven't been to school in over 8 years and even though, according to the bible, I can do ALL things through Christ which strengthes me (Philippians 4:13), a very small part of me wonders "can I really do it?"

I do know this fact - this is my time & this is my season! The Lord has made every way for me to do this. The ONLY reason I considered going back to school is because I said "yes" to His will and "yes" to His way! When I committed my life to Jesus Christ, it was no longer going to be about me - but it was going to be ALL about Him. The only way I'm going to make it is through my faith and trust in Him because without faith, it's impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6).

I will continue to press on. I will not let doubt and/or fear stand in my way!

Until next time...

Embarking on a New Plateau - Chapter 2

I've recently went to my Seminary's orientation and, I can honestly say, I was truly blessed by the experience. Pursuing this degree is not only going to be an educational experience, but it's also going to be a spiritual transformation for my life. I've met some nice people - some I will probably see in my classes.

I start my first class on Saturday and I'm a bit nervous. But I know that the Lord is with me and He'll be with me always. Praise be unto God for all that he has done!

A Brand New Journey - Chapter 1

Today was the beginning of a brand new journey for me. I'm going back to school for my Masters of Divinity in Bible & Theology. This was a direction I didn't expect to take. But I followed the path that God has laid out for me.

My classes are as follows:

- Church as a Social & Cultural Institution
- Biblical Theology
- History of Christianity
- Revelation

Just by these classes, I already know that my mind is going to be blown! As time goes by, I will be sharing my knowledge as well as my thoughts on these classes here on this blog. It's going to be hard work and a lot of determination, but I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me!

Guess that's why my future husband hasn't come yet, huh...?

Living Single & Saved in a Worldly Society

Let me start from the beginning.

I've given my life to Jesus Christ for nearly 13 years. I haven't been in a committed relationship in 12 years and I haven't have sex for over 10 years. Hence, the frantic impatience on waiting on God for my mate instead of obeying my biological clock and picking just any Joe Schmo to have sex with. With all of the temptations from the media and listening to other people talk about their sex lives, I'm a tad bit frustrated!

On one hand, I know that God knows what's best for me and I'm sure that His choice will be better than my choice - Lord knows my choices in the past sucked! On the other hand, it would be nice to come home to someone and ask me "How was your day?" It would be nice to split all of the expenses in the household with someone. Most importantly, it would be nice to have a warm pair of thighs in bed with me and have me screaming at the top of my lungs in pure ecstasy!

Don't get me wrong, I am so appreciative to God for what He has done for me and for what he is doing in my life. I'm just at the point of my life where I wonder if I'm ever going to be married. I certainly don't want to live my life the way I used to live - having meaningless sex with guys I would never bring home to Mom...much less carry their seed! I wasn't happy back then. I'm happier now than I was back then. I'm just not satisfied. There's so much more that I want from this life. I'm going to do my part to get it - but God has to take care of the rest. I've waited this long - there's no point of half-stepping now!