Saturday, April 13, 2019

I am ME! - Chapter 72

My spiritual father and pastor, Prophet Oshea Morgan, gave me a homework assignment to do.  He told me to make a list of positive things about myself.  I've agreed to do the assignment.  So why not post it on my blog!

List of My Positive Attributes About Myself


  • I'm beautiful (It took me a very long time to believe that!)
  • I'm confident
  • I'm talented
  • I'm gifted
  • I love me
  • I like me
  • I'm always there for people I love
  • I'm reliable
  • I'm grateful
  • I'm a child of God
  • I am who God says I am
  • I AM ME!
Until next time...

Monday, April 8, 2019

I know...It's Been a Long Time! - Chapter 71


2019 is my Exodus year for me!  I believe it.  I receive it.  I decree it and declare it! Ever since I came back to New York from Chicago, I realize that I need total healing and deliverance from everything I’ve endured over the last 46 years.  I must conquer every fear, conquer every insecurity, and defeat every lie that’s been spoken upon me.

I’ve started this process with creating my very own website – tonjaewithers.com.  Everything about me is on this website!  My books, my ministry, and even my baking!  Go check it out: http://www.tonjaewithers.com

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Don't Call Me Your "Sister" If I'm Really Not Your Sister! - Chapter 70

WOW!  So much has happened since I've last posted here.  I will mention everything I've gone through in a later post.

The big news is that I've written another book!  This time, as a solo project.  I'm pretty proud of this book because of the journey I've endured writing it.  The book is called Paradise in Singleness: Is It Possible?  The book was released in August 2017 and the premise of the book is a refreshing perspective on how we should view being single and how to take the necessary steps towards being made whole to obtain and nurture every relationship.  My book is available on Amazon: http://bit.ly/pisbook2.

I am a compassionate loving person and I am extremely loyal - to a fault.  If I say that I'm your friend, then I'm your friend.  If I say that I'm your sister, then I am your sister.  I do understand that I'm not everyone's "cup of tea" because many people, women, in particular, do not understand where I'm coming from.  Then again, I guess that I expect too much from women and expect to receive the same love and support as I give them.  Every time I invest in a friendship with women, most of the time, it doesn't work out.  Why can't we as women be truly happy and supportive of one another?  I know it is very few and far between, but is it really possible?

With the exception of my best friend (thank God at least I have one), I'm sadly believing that there's no such thing as a true "sisterhood!"  I guess I'll just have to get used to that!

Until next time....


Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Tasty Tuesdays - Chapter 69


Get your mocktails and/or Fimosas (Orange Juice & Sparkling Cider) ready 'cuz it's gonna get real JUICY! Join us every Tuesday night to discuss real topics and issues for ALL Christian singles! WARNING: This call is NOT for the faint of heart or for the "Virgin Ears!" We keep it all the way REAL & all the way JESUS!



Monday, January 9, 2017

I Hate That I'm Lonely - Chapter 68

I Hate That I'm Lonely

I hate that I'm lonely.
I hate that I come home to an empty house every night
No one asking me "How was your day?"
No one holding me tight with all of his might 
Nor kiss me on the forehead to make the bad day go away.

I hate that I'm lonely.
I hate that my bestie is not nearby
Nor don't have a friend I can trust due to them possibly leaving me 
Showing my positive attitude but inside I cry
Staying strong and loving as I can be.

I hate that I'm lonely.
Don't get me wrong!
I'm not about to jump off a cliff 
Or enter into the suicide zone
God is always there to give me a lift
So I maybe lonely, but I'm not alone!

Still, I hate that I'm lonely...

(c) 2017 - Tonja E. Withers

Sunday, January 1, 2017

2017 - The Year of Release! - Chapter 67

Day One of 2017 - I have been interviewed for an online Christian magazine!  Check it out (pages 15 & 17-18)!  http://www.victorymagazine.online/january-2017/


Saturday, November 12, 2016

Authors of A Single Perspective Tonja E. Withers & Angela D. Valentine 11/15 by Vibration Radio | Women Podcasts

Authors of A Single Perspective Tonja E. Withers & Angela D. Valentine 11/15 by Vibration Radio | Women Podcasts: On This Episode of Teh Beautiful Butterfly Radio Show We Welcome the Author of ' A Single Perspective : A Woman's Journey to Wholeness' Tonja E. Withers & Angela D. Valentine . We will discuss how the two ladies came together to create this book, and what they hope people will gain from reading it as well and MORE!!! Meet Our Guests: TONJA E. WITHERS is a saved, single woman in her 40's who has never been married nor has children. She has boldly shared her testimony on how she overcame her struggles with lust, loneliness and insecurities. She is a living witness that singles can find joy in everyday life. She is the founder of The S.I.M. Factor (Singles in Ministry) - a ministry dedicated to empowering and encouraging Christian singles worldwide. ANGELA D. VALENTINE has been a baptized, Spirit-filled believer since the age of 9. She is a preacher's wife, mother of one beautiful son, author, speaker, and psalmist. A true teacher at heart, she has enjoyed ministering the Gospel and serving as Director of Music & Worship Ministries for over 20 years. She has a passion for mentoring women and youth. She is the founder of The Virtuous Businesswomen's Network where she leads an online community of international Christian women in business. Together, Angela and Tonja co-host Single Sisters' Saturdays, a monthly webinar and teleconference sponsored by The Virtuous Businesswomen's Network. These sessions are designed to help women tackle various topics that are not commonly discussed in church settings. Their goal is to help all women (both single and married) be made whole.

Monday, October 31, 2016

It's Official...I'm "That Girl!" - Chapter 66

Well, it's official!  I am "that girl!"  Who's "that girl?"  I'm so glad you asked.  

"That girl" is a child of God who speaks out of any injustice according to God's Word.  For years I have struggled to accept the fact that I'm always the one who points out the hypocrisies, the unfairness and the injustice whether in the workplace or in the church!  I'm always the one who God uses to point out these issues to leadership and I'm always penalized because of it!  Why did God choose me for such a time as this?  Because He did!

When I speak the truth, I speak it in love.  That's the Word!  So, with that said, if I am your friend and if I see you going down a dangerous path, I am going to tell you about it!  If you stop being my friend because of it, then you were never a friend to me in the first place!  Friends should always be honest with one another, but I digress...  If I see hypocrisy operated in the workplace, I will speak up about it!  If I'm penalized or fired because of it, then so be it!  If I see hypocrisy and witchcraft operating in the church, I'm going to speak up about it!  If I'm ostracized by the church because of it, then so be it!

I will no longer apologize for who I am and who God has designed me to be.  According to Psalms 139:14, I am fearfully and wonderfully made!  Just so you know, I can take it just as much as I can dish it.  However, if your criticism of me isn't coming from a loving place, but out of a malicious and spiteful intent, I will call you out on it!   So, yeah I'm THAT GIRL!  So get used to it!

Until next time.....

Sunday, October 2, 2016

I'm Officially a Published Author! - Chapter 65

"Dear Girlfriend,

This is a hard subject for me to tackle. If I may be so transparent, at times, I feel so lost myself. There’s nothing that I want more than to have the comfort of a man. Unfortunately, it’s with ANY man. I’m not sure what it is…the thrill of the chase, the interaction of listening to a man’s voice, the desperation of wanting to be needed by someone…anyone! Yes, I will admit, I could act like Miss Independent and claim that I don’t need a man, that I have Jesus and that’s all I need. But deep down I know that’s a bold-face lie! Newsflash Beloved, Jesus doesn’t keep my bed warm at night! And if some of us stop acting all “holier than thou” and face that truth, we would all be a lot better off! But I digress…."


This is an excerpt from Chapter 2: "Lost and Found" from our book "A Single Perspective: Every Woman's Guide to Wholeness" written by me, Tonja E. Withers and my good friend, Angela D. Valentine. This book is a refreshing and candid book on singleness written from a single and married woman's perspective and rooted in the Word of God. Let this book spark conversations among all women. As we share our experiences with each other, may every woman find her path to healing and wholeness! The eBook is now available for $7.99. You can purchase your copy here: http://thesimfactor.wixsite.com/simfactor/book.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

What a Difference a Year Makes! - Chapter 64


It's been so long since I've wrote in this blog!  So much has happened since my last entry.

As far as my healing from what I've experienced in Georgia, I'm healed - praise God!  My "undisclosed location," is in New Haven, CT.  I left Georgia on February 28, 2015 on a one-way flight to CT (It's amazing that I took a one-way bus ticket from NY to GA on January 31, 2014 to take a one-way flight back north a year and a month later)!  I've stayed with my cousin (which I was extremely apprehensive about because I know my family can turn on you in the drop of a dime...more on that later).  Two weeks after moving here, I've found a temp job working at a jewish hillel at Yale.  I've met this woman at the job that ultimately became my friend and a blessing from God!  In March, one of my Facebook friends introduced me to this Christian women's networking group (more on that later).

Three and a half months after moving to CT and due to lack of communication, my cousin threw me out of her home with no explanation.  With no where else to go, my friend let me rent a room of an apartment that her sister was also renting at her house.  Seven months after getting the temp job, I was hired permanently with a very important title and decent wages.  By the end of 2015, my friend's sister moved out and I ended up renting the entire apartment (including my room).

When 2016 rolled around, major changes started to happened.  In February, after having a heart felt conversation, the founder of the women's group that I'm in asked me to lead a webinar/conference call called "Single Sisters' Saturday" every third Saturday of the month.  These calls have granted me some open doors for me.  One of these doors included me being asked to speak at a major conference this October on the benefits of being single!  Little ol' me!  God is good!  Another opportunity came out of this venture, but I will mention when it's done (more details to come)!  Okay, that's it for now!

Until next time...

Saturday, May 9, 2015

I Need Some Answers to Some Questions!


Question:  Are there any single women over 40 who has never been married (or co-habitated) nor has any children and are currently celibate?  If that's you, then I need some advice from YOU!  How are you maintaining?  If you believe in God, are you waiting for Him to bless you with a mate?  How do you flee from temptation?  Do you feel tempted to settle for less so you won't be alone?  Does loneliness creeps up on you out of nowhere and how do you beat it?  Do you yearn for sex so badly that you want to screw the first guy that you see?  If so, did you beat it or did you give in to it?  If you beat that urge, how did you do it?

These are some serious questions that needs some serious answers.  If you know someone like this, please pass this on to them.  Thanks in advance.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

A Change Has Come...Again! - Chapter 62


Yes, I know.  It has been a very long time since I've written my last entry.  There is really so much to tell.

First and foremost, I am a firm believer, whether it's God's doing or our doing, everything in life happens for a reason.  Secondly, if you say that you're a follower of Christ, then one should listen to what He says and act out of the inspiration of desperation.  Just because an opportunity presents itself does not mean that it's from God!   Thirdly, if you called to be a leader, then you must have a shepherd's heart!  I know that everyone is flawed and the bible says that "...love covers a multitude of sins."  However, constantly making excuses of leadership using spiritual manipulation to control the membership of the church and a leader asking a member to use their name and credit for a bill(s) that's suppose to be for the church and NOT put it under the church's name...well...that kind of "love" is NOT worth me going to hell over!  Finally, there is a major difference between a church and a cult!  If GOD gives us free will, so should a CHURCH!  But I digress...

One of the greatest lessons I've learned from my experience is to keep my personal life separate from the church.  I find that some leaders tends to throw your past or things that God has delivered you from back in your face.  That is not of God!  Also, never....and I mean never have your pastor as your landlord!  You are just asking for trouble!  

Now that I am at an undisclosed location, what I really need from the Lord right now is to be healed, set free and delivered completely!  I want no trace of bitterness, anger and resentment to be left in me from all that I've endured.  I need God to heal my broken heart and stand firm in Him.  I am a victor, not a victim!  This experience has nearly broke me, but nevertheless I stood firm in God!  Now I need to exhale...and let it go!

Until next time...

Friday, April 4, 2014

Living Single & Saved in a Worldly Society - 5 Years Later! - Chapter 61

This was my first blog entry from January 12, 2009:

"Let me start from the beginning. 

I've given my life to Jesus Christ for nearly 13 years. I haven't been in a committed relationship in 12 years and I haven't have sex for over 10 years. Hence, the frantic impatience on waiting on God for my mate instead of obeying my biological clock and picking just any Joe Schmo to have sex with. With all of the temptations from the media and listening to other people talk about their sex lives, I'm a tad bit frustrated!

On one hand, I know that God knows what's best for me and I'm sure that His choice will be better than my choice - Lord knows my choices in the past sucked! On the other hand, it would be nice to come home to someone and ask me "How was your day?" It would be nice to split all of the expenses in the household with someone. Most importantly, it would be nice to have a warm pair of thighs in bed with me and have me screaming at the top of my lungs in pure ecstasy

Don't get me wrong, I am so appreciative to God for what He has done for me and for what he is doing in my life. I'm just at the point of my life where I wonder if I'm ever going to be married. I certainly don't want to live my life the way I used to live - having meaningless sex with guys I would never bring home to Mom...much less carry their seed! I wasn't happy back then. I'm happier now than I was back then. I'm just not satisfied. There's so much more that I want from this life. I'm going to do my part to get it - but God has to take care of the rest. I've waited this long - there's no point of half-stepping now!"


Well, it's been 5 years since I've wrote that entry and nothing much has changed.  I am now in my 40's and I'm getting more and more frustrated.  I'm not going to settle for anything less than what I'm worth.  However, I really would like to be married now.  I really would like to have some emotional support from a man that is meant for me.  I sure could use that right now.  When I was living in NY, the need wasn't as great for me as it is now.  Now that I'm in the South, the need for companionship has become much greater.  Oh Lord, please answer my prayers!


Until next time....

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

My Miracle Birthday - Chapter 60


Well, today is my 41st birthday, and I feel kind of lonely.

This is my first birthday away from my friends and family and my church family here in Georgia - it's just a regular day.  My birthday is special to me.  Every time I get to see another year, is a blessing to me!  I thank God that I get to see 41.  So, no matter what, I still praise God that He has blessed me to see another year - my MIRACLE year!

Until next time...

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

A Change Has Come! - Chapter 59


It has now been a month since I've moved to Georgia and so far, it has been an amazing experience.

I have been looking for a job, but in all honesty, I don't believe that God has brought me here and not make my dreams come true.  When I was in New York, I wanted a job to survive.  Now, I want to fulfill my career!  Atlanta has several television stations, so I've applied for them all.  Yes, it has been nearly two decades since I've worked in the mainstream media, but I believe God that He will do a miraculous thing for me.

One of the greatest things I've truly learned while being here is the power of forgiveness.  In order for God to bless me, I truly, sincerely and wholeheartedly need to forgive those who've hurt me.  I realize now that I've been holding forgiveness in my heart for a long time - to a point that it was making me physically sick.  So, I can honesty say that I forgive all of those who has hurt me, whether knowingly or unknowingly.  I had even called one person in particular to tell them that I forgive them.  The one person that I need to forgive the most was my brother.  I was so angry with him for the way he treated me ever since I moved back in with him over 3 years ago.  I felt that he was taking joy out of my misery.  I felt that he was constantly belittling and controlling me.  I truly believe that he was doing these things to me as payback for how I treated him when he was young.  Yes, I admit, I was jealous of him when he was born and how my mother loved him more because I was the only child for so long.  As an adult, I now realize that mothers have a completely different relationship with their sons then they do their daughters.  Most mothers raise their daughters, but they love their sons.  That's why, unfortunately, this society has raised a lot of "mama's boys."   Anyway, I do forgive my brother for all that he has done to me.  I haven't spoken to since I came to Georgia, I did text him on his birthday.  I needed this time to clean out my heart concerning him.  I was tired of being angry with him.  So when I do speak to him again, that anger won't rise up in me again.

So far, this journey has been a cleansing one and I'm sure that the cleansing will continue.  It only gets better from here.

Until next time...

Friday, February 21, 2014

The Lord Has a Way of Working Things Out! - Chapter 58

Yes I'll admit, I was freaking out about what would happen to me, but the Lord has a way of working things out!

On January 31st, I was cleaning out my apartment getting rid of everything.  The only thing left in the apartment that day was my mattress, TV, cable and kitchen cabinet.  I was laying on my mattress (which was on the floor), crying out to God, asking Him "What do I do and where do I go from here?"  Then I've heard the Holy Spirit clear as day say "Call your aunt!'  My aunt lives in South Carolina.  So, I was obedient and called her.  I've shared with her everything about the journey God has me on for the last four years leading up to that very moment.  She said that she needed to pray about if I could stay with her or not.  I said okay.  Meanwhile, I called my pastor who now lives in Georgia for prayer.  She told me that the Lord was speaking to her for me to move down to Georgia and assist her in her businesses. Unfortunately, it took my phone call to remind her of what the Lord told her.  She told me to pray and that she would pray as well.

An hour later, my pastor called me back extending an invitation to come down to Georgia and be her assistant.  I accepted it in a heartbeat!  Book a Greyhound ticket to Atlanta online, cleaned out the rest of the apartment, turned in my keys to the super's daughter, walked out of the building, got on the train heading to the Port Authority, got on the bus and did not look back!  The crazy thing about it is that I didn't even tell my family where I was going or what I was doing until I transferred at Richmond, VA.  On February 1st,  I've came down to Atlanta, my pastor picked me up and I've been here ever since.

It's been 21 days and as I write this episode, I realize that everything I've prayed for has started to come to pass!  I prayed that I would leave my Brooklyn apartment for me or no other member of my family to live there again.  And so it is!  Praise God!  I left everything I know, people that I care about, etc and came to a place I've never been before.  I have let the Lord order my footsteps and only He knows where I go from here...and I trust Him to do so!

Until next time...

Monday, January 27, 2014

Best Quote Ever!

I believe this statement says it all.

Until next time...

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

You Don't Know My Story - Chapter 57


Well, it's 2014 and so far, it has gone off with a bang!

Since I haven't been able to pay rent, the landlord was going to evict me.  Because of the good rapport my mother had with his father, he gave me an offer for me to move out at the end of this month and he won't penalize me for the back rent.  Given that I have been asking for God to move me elsewhere and away from here, I consider it a blessing.  Praise God!  Now, where is God going to place after January 31st?  Only He knows.  But I have to trust Him during this process.

The worst part about this is telling my Mom!  It was hard to hear the shock, anger and disappointment in the tone of her voice.  But in all honesty, my mom, my brother or anybody else does not understand this process that God is putting me through.  She wants me to fight for this apartment and for my rights as a tenant.  What she don't understand is this apartment is nothing more than a security blanket for this family, a clutch, a STRONGHOLD!  Yes, for the latter part of the year, I have been murmuring, complaining, crying, venting and moaning about what I've been going through in 2013.  But how can I say that I put my trust and faith in God if I don't try Him?  In the book of Malachi 3:10, it states "... "I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won't have enough room to take it in! Try it! Let me prove it to you!" (NLV)  

In fact, everything I've gone through since 2009 has been a part of the process.  Everything that I have previously written as well as things that only me and God knows.  Like the time when I had my apartment in 2009 and the Holy Spirit told me to quit my job.  All of those days where I had no money and no food to eat, that I've passed out constantly.  Didn't know how long I've been out or how many days I've been out.  People don't know that!  What people also don't know is that when I moved back in with my brother, all of the humiliation, ridicule and torment he has put me through for the last 3 years!  I hate being talked down to like a child - especially from someone that's younger than me!  The constant smug on his face like he's better than me!  I expected to get that kind of treatment from my haters or from strangers - not from my own blood!  That's truly heartbreaking!   Nobody knows of me crying myself to sleep almost every night for the last 4 years,  the times when I had no job or money, there were days when I was starving, some of my "friends" would give me their scrapes of food they wouldn't eat themselves and pass it on to me like I am a DOG!  Give me clothes they wouldn't wear themselves and when I would wear it to church, they would whisper behind my back telling people "I gave her that.  Don't she look ridiculous?" and laugh at me every single time!  Not realizing that everything that they have given me, God turned it around and made it for my good!  These examples have nearly broke my spirit - but it didn't!

The moral of this story is never judge a person during the pruning process.  Once God brings me to my promise land, I will know that I know that this journey will be all worthwhile.  God has allowed for me to go through all that I have gone through to be a living testimony for those who are CURRENTLY going through these same situations that God CAN and WILL ultimately bring you through!  You don't know my story - that is until now!

Until next time...

Thursday, December 26, 2013

New Radio Show! - Chapter 56

Well, before this year comes to a close (finally), I wanted to let you know that I have another internet radio show - this time on Spreaker.  These shows are just strictly music and each episode are pretty much music that I listen to on my ipod regularly.

Check it out!  http://www.spreaker.com/show/the_tonja_e_withers_show

Until next time....