I Know It Will Get Better! - Chapter 29

I’ve just realized that I haven’t made a new entry since September! Oh well...

As this year comes to a close, God has been dealing with me tremendously. 2010 has been a year of cleansing, healing and patience - plenty of patience!

Although I didn’t receive all of the things that I’ve prayed for back in 2009, I will receive it all in 2011! God will bless me! Not because I’ve been faithful, or because I’ve honored His word, but because He loves me!

Remember this: 2011 is the year where the last shall be first and the first shall be last!

Happy Holidays! Until next time...

Do I Look Like I’m Stupid? - Chapter 28

I can’t stand when some men try to play with my intelligence! I may have been born at night, but it wasn’t last night!

When men flirts with me, that’s one thing. However, when the man is married or engaged and flirts with me, that’s a whole different story!

I have been approach by a couple of men - you know, wanting to have “friendly” conversations. However being married/engaged, there’s some conversations one shouldn't be having with a single woman - especially a single woman of Christ! Now, I’ll call a scam when I see one and in these cases, I have. One guy, the engaged one, it turns really ugly.

I didn’t think anything of it when I was talking to this guy. However, when he called me 5 or 6 times a day - everyday, plus not mention his fiancee unless I asked about her, I knew it was a problem. When the Holy Spirit showed me what this guy was trying to do (have sex with me), I called this situation for what it was and nipped it in the bud. I’ve said my peace and I’ve let it go. He insisted that I was crazy, that he wasn’t interested in me “in that way” and called me out of my name! If the negro wasn’t interested in me in “that way,” then why did he reacted the way that he did? Then again, this “man” has a history of anger and emotional issues, so it shouldn’t have been a total surprise to me. I’m just sayin’...

The bottom line is that I desire to be married and I refuse to let anything or anyone stand in the way for what God has in store for me! I ain’t going to hell for nobody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Until next time...

September 11th: Nine Years Later - Chapter 27

Wow...I still can’t believe it’s been nine years!

My recollection of what happened on September 11, 2001 was an interesting one. On the evening of September 10, 2001, my friend’s husband & I were on our way back to Brooklyn from South Carolina. I was helping my friend and her family move from East Stroudsburg, PA to Charleston, SC for a couple of days. Her husband had to return to Brooklyn while the rest of the family stayed in SC. He wanted to drive back and not fly, so I rode back home with him.

We were on I-95 doing 90 mph. He got tired, so we’ve pulled over to a truck stop in Virginia and rested for a few hours. After he caught his second wind, we continued on down I-95. A few hours later, we’ve gotten closer to home. Around 4:30 a.m., we were crossing the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge (the bridge between Staten Island & Brooklyn), I’ve stared at the World Trade Center. I’ve always looked at the World Trade Center every time I cross a bridge, but this time felt different. I’ve heard a still small voice in my ear saying “Take a good look at those buildings. It will be the last time you’ll see them standing!” I scoffed it off. I didn’t believe what I’ve just heard. So I didn’t pay it no mind. I arrived home by 5:30 a.m. that morning. I was so tired, I’ve changed clothes and went straight to sleep.

A few hours later, my mother woke me up screaming, “Tonja, we’re being attached!” I was half asleep, not fully aware of what was going on. So I’ve said nonchalantly, “So what else is new,” and turned over to go back to sleep. The volume on the tv was so loud, that it fully awaken me and I saw it - a fire at that top of Tower 1. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Mind you, my mother and I didn’t have cable at the time, so we’ve noticed that only ONE channel was working that day. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, we’ve saw the plane crashing into Tower 2 live on tv! I’ve tried calling every person I knew that worked in the Wall Street area to see if they were okay, but all of the phone lines were dead! Then, we’ve watched the first building come tumbling down. One right after the other. My mother and I sat there in horror watching this massacre take place. Tears were rolling down my face. The place where I used to visit as a child as well as my hang-out spot when I was in college was gone!

I will never forget the men & women who died on this day, those who lost their lives saving others and grateful to God for those who survived this horrific tragedy.

Until next time...

A New Chapter: RADIO! - Chapter 26

The Holy Spirit has lead me to create my own internet radio broadcast with different topics relating to the Kingdom of God. The show is called "This Week with Tonja Withers." I'll admit, I sounded a bit nervous, but I'll get better. Please check it out: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/tewithers

By the way - by faith, I believe that my next blog entry will be one of the greatest blessings I've ever seen. Trust me...I will testify!

Until next time...

He Saw The Best In ME! - Chapter 25

"He saw the best in me

when everyone else around

could only see the worst in me!" - Marvin Sapp

This is the first song that I can really relate to. This is my testimony! Some family and friends have written me off - claims that I will never amount to anything - that I will never go anywhere - I am only a dreamer who's dreams will never come to pass!

THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!

I thank God that He didn't write me off! He made me in His image and His likeness. He created me for such a time as this. I am not a mistake! I am not a lost cause! He will give me beauty for my ashes. I am the head and NOT the tail! Above and NOT beneath! The lender and NOT the borrower! My latter days will be greater than my past! Thank you Lord!

Thank you Marvin Sapp for writing the best song to get me through the most turbulent time in my life! There's nowhere else to go but UP!

"He is mine and I am His...it doesn't matter what I did,

For He only sees me for who I am!"

Until next time...

I Deserve to Be Celebrated - Not Tolerated! - Chapter 24

I am so tired of people treating me any old way and think it’s okay. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I’m the type the person that will give you the shirt off of my back if you need it. It’s not a big deal for me to go all out for my friends and family.

But when folks only deal with me when they feel like it is unacceptable! Either you’re my friend or you're not! Either you enjoy my company or you don’t! But PLEASE don’t tolerate me! Don’t call me if you’re thinking “Let me call her before she thinks I’m neglecting her” - because that’s exactly what you’re doing!

I have treasured so many people that has no business being treasured. That’s my fault because I always try to see the good in people - until you cross me. I’ll be damned if I let anyone in my inner circle be bothered with me if they don’t really want to. If you see the treasure that I am, then do us both a favor - STEP OFF! I don’t need you!!!!!!!!!!!

Until next time...

God’s Delays Are Deliberate! - Chapter 23

As I was looking back on my past blog entries, I’ve looked at the progress I was making in my life. One of my entries I’ve posted twice. It was the following:

"Father God,

Your word said in James 4:2 “…you have not because you ask not.” Lord, I’m asking you in writing and publicly that you fulfill all of my needs according to Your riches in glory.

Father, I ask you in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth that before 2009 comes to an end, that you fulfill 5 of the following things for my life:

1) You make my name great!

2) You grant me my own condominium – fully paid for! No Mortgage

3) You grant me my own brand new Infiniti – no loans!

4) Increase my finances to sustain the blessings you will give me!

5) Bless me with a godly, supportive mate who loves me with all his heart!

Lord, I put my total trust and faith in You! For You are not a man that You shall lie! I decree and declare that all of these things will come to pass before this year is out – in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth! I take all limits off of You and I KNOW these things will come to pass! Amen!"

Even though my divine petition hasn’t come to pass in 2009, as I was reminded by Joel Osteen this past Sunday, God’s delays are deliberate! I know it will eventually come to pass. In fact, I believe with all of my heart that it will be THIS YEAR! I have way too much faith in God not to believe that.

All I know is this; even if I don’t receive my blessings, I still give God all of the honor, glory and praise! I’ll be a bit disappointed, but I’ll continue to serve Him! He has brought me out of so much. I love the Lord!

Until next time...

What’s up with me keeping friends? - Chapter 22

I completely understand that the greater your calling God has upon your life, the smaller your circle of friends will become. I just didn’t realize to what magnitude!

Over the years, God has been dealing with me in regards to relying on friends when times are hard, need encouragement or lend an ear. In the midst of this, I had let people’s judgements and opinions of me get the better of me. Now I realize that I must fully rely on God in every area of my life because people will fail you, but God never fails! All of the energy I have put in people I now put on God. It has taken me losing several “friends” in order for me to realize that fact.

There are three sets of people in one’s life - confidants, constituents and comrades - that are placed in three different times in their lives - a reason, a season and a lifetime. The comrades will rely around you and cheer you on, but will talk about you behind your back. The constituents will have the same cause or goals as you and will support one another, but if the constituent finds another person that gets to the goal faster than you, they will drop you like a bad habit! The confidants are the ones you keep close to you because they will listen, keeps your secrets and will never throw it back in your face!

The reason, season and lifetime are self-explanatory. If it’s not clear, here it goes - a reason is for a specific purpose that “friend” is in one’s life. A season is a specific time for that “friend” to be in one’s life. But lifetime friends are few and far between. Those are the ones you hold dear to your heart.

I see whose role each person that I call “friend” plays in my life. Although I’m still a bit disappointed at those who have left me or those I had to leave, I know not everyone is meant to be with me forever - and I’m okay with that. I also realize that just as much as people are in my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, I am in people’s lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I’m not meant to be in people’s lives forever either - and I’m okay with that, too!

Until next time...

Let the Truth Speak! - Chapter 21

Can I be real with you for a moment?

I am lonely! There...I said it! The journey that God has me on is truly a lonely one. Many people don’t understand what I’m going through - nor do they want to! I’m doing my best to be obedient to God’s will for my life, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I am still single. Hence the reason why my blog is titled “Saved, Single, But Not Satisfied!” There is no mate - no warm pair of thighs to rub on me every single night. You know what? I’m mad at that! I know that God will bless me with a mate in HIS time, but it would sure be nice to have a Godly mate right now! I’m a sexual being. I do have needs! And because of my loneliness and vulnerability, I’ve made a stupid decision that now delays my future husband to come into my life. That one moment wasn’t even worth it! Yes, I’ve repented, ask God for forgiveness and moved on. Yes, I know that delayed does not mean denied. However, for every action, there’s a reaction! I’ve lost someone whom I’ve considered a friend when, in actuality, was never a friend in the first place. Just a distraction! A distraction to deter me away from the things of God - and it worked - for a minute! At any rate, life goes on - and so do I.

I know I’m ranting, but if I can’t be honest with myself, then how can God use me to bless others?

I’m not close to any of my family. Not even my immediate family. I am grateful to God that He kept my mother here on Earth. I also love my brother very much. Family is defiantly an important dynamic in a person’s life. However, I truly believe that nobody in my family (on either side) understands God’s calling that’s upon my life, the decisions that I’ve had to make and the sacrifices I’ve endured just to do God’s will. And for that, I know that I will always be somewhat of an outcast or a “black sheep” if you will. But you know what? I’m okay with that! I’ve faced the reality that when it comes to doing the things of God, you will not be popular with others. You can’t go where others go and you can’t do what others do. And when you compromise yourself in order to fit in and to be accepted, you hinder God’s will. I can’t afford to do that! I cannot conform to what my family says and thinks about me. Although I love ALL my family, I have to do God’s will and if they don’t like it, that’s their problem - not mine!

Friends - *whew* - where do I begin? First of all, my circle of friends is extremely small. I’ve learned as I’ve gotten more mature in the Word of God that the greater your calling, the smaller your circle. Not everybody that was there from the beginning will be there to the end. Not everybody who says that they’re your friends are your friends. I thank God for revelation as to who’s for me and who’s against me. But my heart is so big for people that I’ve placed some folks in the wrong categories. And because of those bad decisions, I have a hard time trusting people. Even those in my inner circle! I don’t want to think that friends in my inner circle will eventually leave me, but I have to prepare for that just in case. Now that God has delivered from people and I’m putting all of my business out there on my blog, I guess I’m not afraid to be rejected by people.

The bottom line is that when I love, I love hard. When I’m hurt, I hurt badly. When people tell me that they love me, I expect them to mean it! I do! Majority of the time, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I know that I’ve hurt some people along the way and for that, I’m truly sorry. Some people has hurt me, too. I had to deal with that.

I’m lonely....Lord help me get through this!

Until next time....

Get Rid of the Weasel & Fly Like an Eagle! - Chapter 20

I came across an email I wrote two years this month and I'm amazed at what I've wrote back then and also how relevant it is today. What do you think?:

I've recently went to see Bishop T.D. Jakes at the Apollo Theater last night and it was such a blessed and life-changing night. I have to share with you the story he shared that had me in tears.

A little boy in Colorado wanted to see an eagle fly. So he and his father went to the mountains to look for some eagles. For hours, the little boy was looking for an eagle and just as he was about to give up looking, he sees an eagle. The eagle was soaring high in the sky. Bishop Jakes was describing the characteristics of the eagle. Its wings, when it's stretched from end to end, is about 9 feet long. When an eagle mates, they mate high above the clouds. This prevents eagles from mating with other birds - especially chickens! (Jakes' words - not mine! LOL!) When an eagle hunts for food, it will soar down and catches its prey.

So the little boy was observing the eagle and didn't take his eyes off of it. Then suddenly he sees the eagle come down from the sky, then the eagle disappeared. He asked his father if they could find the eagle to see where it went. So they walked to the other side of the mountain and the little boy found the eagle on the ground. The eagle was dead because it grabbed a weasel and the weasel bit through the eagle's heart. The little boy cried because he didn't understand why the eagle died because it was a lot bigger and stronger than the weasel. His father told him that perhaps the eagle didn't let the weasel go and it died because of it.

The moral of the story is what you don't get rid of, it will get rid of you! We all have them - weasels! The weasel could be someone or something in our lives that prevents us from fulfilling our purpose and destiny. Fear, issues, insecurities, etc., could be your weasel. Or perhaps it's someone. People that constantly take and take from you but not giving back to you. A toxic relationship or even a toxic friendship. Don't you sometimes feel stagnate? Like you're stuck in a rut? Have you TRULY accomplished your dreams and goals? Or, perhaps, you've let the weasels in your life kill your dreams? What will it take for you to get rid of the weasel(s) in your life?

Imagine living a life where money was no object. A life without fear. Living life without limits! Brothers and Sisters, YOU ARE EAGLES! You can fly high - farther than you could ever imagine! Get that home! Clean up your credit! Go back to school! Get that passport! Chase that dream! LOOSE THE WEASEL AND SOAR BEYOND THE SKIES!

Pass this message on to EVERYONE you know. Let us all be blessed and spread our wings as eagles and FLY!

Lord Forgive Me! - Chapter 19

On one hand, I'm truly grateful that God gave me grace to live to see another birthday. On the other hand, I've made some rash decisions I am not proud of.

I know that God's grace is sufficient and His mercy endures forever. Although I've repented from my mistakes, I am also aware that for every action, there are consequences. My prayer is that God will still bless me in spite of. I want to do His will. But honestly, I'm so tired of being strong. Lord, forgive me!

Until next time...

My Upcoming Significant Birthday - Chapter 18

On this day next month, it will be my 37th birthday. I just realized what my birthday really represents. 1) My birthday falls on Good Friday. 2) I will be 37. 3+7=10. Ten represents THE NUMBER OF DIVINE PERFECTION! 2010 represents the year of DIVINE PERFECTION! Do you understand how significant this really is? I do! This is not only my year - this is also my DECADE! You wait and see!

Until next time...

Lord, Give Me A Husband...SOON! - Chapter 17

I've never been the type of person to mince my words.....I think. But honestly, Jesus needs to keep me right now.

I haven't been in a relationship (sexually or otherwise) for over a decade - but now, I've reached my breaking point! This is where the flesh vs. spirit fight comes in. On one hand, my spirit man says "hold on, keep going, your husband is on the way...it will be worth the wait!" On the other hand, my fleshy man says "pul-leaze...he's not coming. Go 'head....screw ANYTHING that walks! It'll make you feel real good!"

At this stage of my life, at soon-to-be 37, I can't afford to settle for less than what I'm worth. The calling upon my life is too great for me to settle for just anybody. But, when I start gazing into how well a man fills his pants, then I SERIOUSLY have a problem! And if he's bow-legged, you need to pray for me IMMEDIATELY! I have a very vivid imagination - trust me! Cold showers and chocolates just don't do it for me!

Nevertheless, I'll keep holding on. When I really think about it, I have no other choice in the matter. Yeah, I could fall into temptation, have sex, feel guilty, repent and wait another 10 years for a husband, but it's not worth it. Yes, God gives us free will to serve Him, but once you've experience Jesus Christ, what is there to go back to? Sin? Condemnation? Guilt? I don't think so. God's already dealing with me with my thought life - I really don't need to act on it, too (no matter how tempted I am!)

JESUS, TAKE THE WHEEL.....!

Until next time...

A New Decade & A New Me! - Chapter 16

Now that we're in a brand new year and a brand new decade, I am now looking at life from a different point of view. I will no longer feel sorry for myself, no longer tolerate people I don't want to be around nor be around people that tolerates me and no longer plead with folks to be my friend. Either you are or you're not! I will no longer deal with drama-prone people or those whose sole purpose is to always put me down to make themselves look good.

The most important thing is for me to get right with God! I had lost some of my faith in '09 and now I have to gain it all back in 2010. I'm learning to open my heart for new opportunities and to meet new people. After reading the poem below, I pray that I become a woman of strength:

Strong Woman Vs. A Woman of Strength

A strong woman works out everyday to keep her body in shape...but

A woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything of strength...but

A woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her...but

A woman of strength gives her best to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...but

A woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessing and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks sure footedly...but

A woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears confidence on her face

A woman of strength wears grace

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey...but

A woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

Author UNKNOWN

Until next time...